Now My Life is Sweet Like Cinnamon, Like the Fucking Dream I’m Living in

This blog used to be my escape from the world I was living. I would write for hours and pour in my emotions, my tribulations, my trials, aspects of my mind that I wouldn’t dare share with any of my friends…they would be on here. This place was a sanctuary.

For a long time I tried force myself to be conscious in that state, in my world. But, honestly, I felt like this entire experience, this whole me trying to envelop myself in this idea of worldliness has only led me to loneliness and so much chaos. I have no idea who I am anymore. The memories threaten to drown me in the waves, hitting me with bursts of cold remembrance and sadness and my attempts to salvage what I have left of myself has only drown those around me. People and places that used to mean so much to me have slipped through my fingers. I’ve fallen in a state that I thought was love, I’ve lied and cheated and have hurt so many people in the process of trying to find myself.

There has been so much deceit in this dream I’ve been stumbling through and I wonder if I’m always going to be in this state of being…lost and on the brink of drowning.